1. I just had a huge realization last night. I realized I’m not overwhelmed anymore. I mean, I have bad days, overwhelming days, but I’m not overwhelmed. As in, overwhelmed is not the state of my existence anymore. I am so thankful for that! A little breather before adding another baby into the mix is a godsend.
2. I’m learning to find joy in being somewhat faithful in the little things. At least some of the time.
3. I wrote my first finger-picking song for the Good Friday service at church. After not being able to finger pick at all, I think I may finally begin to be able to learn now. So exciting! I hope to have a recording of it sometime soon, but we are a little behind on my songs. Because I don’t know how to master things, and the guy who does, only has about a million items on the list of his responsibilities at church.
4. I’m learning that I really, truly love the church. Not necessarily any particular denomination, although I’m partial to the one I’m in right now, of course. Organized Christianity gets a lot of negative review these days, just as much from people who are followers of Jesus as from those who are not. I think that if you love Jesus, you love his bride, with all her flaws and sin. And rather than leaving or disassociating from her, you fight to make her better. We can be honest about failure, while still being respectful to the heritage of the church. We can fight to reform, while still remaining faithful and orthodox. It’s just a lot easier to do one without the other.
5. I have been thinking a lot about what I want to do, approximately three to five years from now, when I’m done having babies. I will still be the mom of small children, so a demanding career will still be out of the question, because of the way I function. But I have been thinking of ways to make sure my intellect is still functioning and being challenged, because that is one of the things that makes me feel…alive. That is a really, really cheesy way of putting it, but it’s true. I get so excited and energized after discussions of literature, theology, even politics. And while I can’t pursue that very actively in this phase of baby-bearing, -birthing, and nursing, I am dreaming about the future. Maybe a seminary class here or there? Maybe a graduate-level literature class at IUPUI? Who knows. Maybe just a book club where we read St. Augustine, and Systematic Theology. Any takers? Anyone? No?
6. Eliza has finally fallen asleep. I am going to rally myself to wash some dishes now.