Last Friday, I was sure I would never make it through having a newborn. Those days happen frequently enough, as we are still victim to the occasional mostly sleepless night. I’m not complaining (now) because both of our babies have been pretty easy. I just don’t do well without sleep, like most people, and since on a good night I’m still up every three hours, the bad nights are followed by days in which I am unable to find hope for the future. As in, I think that this baby will literally be six weeks old forever, and I will never not have an infant or teething toddler, and I will never sleep again. Ridiculous. But on days like Friday, it’s impossible to rationalize my way to a more reasonable frame of mind.
Anyway, I spent the day feeling the way I outlined above, until my friend dropped off dinner–the last of our post-baby meals and it couldn’t have been more welcomed. She walked into our new house and exclaimed how spacious it was, how excited she was for us, and then when she made it to the dining room she stopped in awe. It’s a really big dining room, and in response to her comment, I said that I didn’t really know how to utilize the space, that I had no vision for it. She said, “Oh, I have a vision! I have a vision of a huge dining room table in here, full of people, like a big Thanksgiving meal in here. You have room for an awesome table in this room, Rebekah.” And I remembered, that’s actually exactly what I want for that room! I had just forgotten, in the midst of the crazy move and the crazy sleep schedule, but her words reminded me of a hopeful future. A future with a huge awesome dining room table, a future in which I will not be so tired. And my kids will sit around that table and draw and color, and I will learn to sew at that table, and I will be able to host many people around that table. I will feed them, and there will be laughter and good conversation and probably music, and lots of love and joy.
And just like that, I found hope again. Sometimes you just need somebody else to have the hope and the vision for you, I guess.