I always want those new mercies every morning to mean that I actually feel new every morning. I want a wiped clean slate, I want a clear head. But most mornings, since I’ve been a mom (otherwise known as the majority of my adult life), I’ve awakened feeling woefully unprepared for the day. Yesterday’s baggage follows me into the new day, be it lost tempers and harsh words, or sluggishness and a pile of dishes. I can’t just forget what happened yesterday.
The beautiful thing is that I don’t need to forget all those things to have a fresh start. Today is new.
Having these three sweet and precious, raggedy and rough-around-the-edges souls in my care has given me need to wake up each morning and grab onto the new mercy like never before. I don’t have time to waste wallowing in or mourning past failures. I don’t have time to wait for the perfect place to start. I don’t have time to wait until I’m sure I can succeed at the tasks I’ve set for myself, or til I know I can do things just the way I want. I just have to wake up, take a deep breath, and fall hard on mercies that have been new every morning since creation and will be long after I’m gone.
I’m discovering just how vast the mercy of God is, in the way that he meets me in that spot. This year I’m choosing to be present, even in the mess and struggle, and in the process I’m discovering the beauty that exists in the life I have. I don’t have to fix all the things or wait for more ideal circumstances. It’ll be wonderful when I get to sleep all night again, and I’m taking steps to make sure that happens sooner than later, but in the meantime, even though I woke up every hour last night, I still get to choose to accept the newness of this day. I still get to choose to engage my kids instead of walking through the day in a haze. And I get to be constantly surprised at how my decision to fall on the grace and mercy of God, which frees me to step into the limitations of my days, uncovers so much joy and hope. That simple decision to get up and face each day like it’s a new start is growing and changing me, and I can feel it.
I may be tired, I may be stretched thin and emotionally on edge, but I am being made new.