photographs.

I’ve been a little sheepish over the number of pictures I’ve taken of Eliza since she was born. I have them separated into folders organized by week on the computer, and while I’ve probably deleted half of the ones I’ve taken, I still have hundreds. Probably closer to a thousand. Ridiculous. The funny thing is, she’s a baby. She only has a handful of tricks in the bag, so each picture looks almost exactly like at least fifty other pictures.

I started to wonder why I have this itch to capture her doing the exact same things every week. There are certainly moments where something new happens (like when she discovered her hands last week…hasn’t stopped staring at them yet), but the majority are moments that have been well documented countless times before. And I think I’ve figured out what the reason is behind my obsessive documentation. Partially, it’s boredom. I get trigger happy. But mostly it’s a drive that’s less about capturing what she’s doing at this particular moment, and more about capturing how I feel about it, and about her. Yeah, I know that she’s held her head up hundreds of times while on her tummy, or cooed her vowel-consonant combo numerous times, and I know she does her hilarious stretch-and-fart wake-up routine every time she awakens from a nap…but this rush of pride, joy, and affection overwhelms me every time and I have to grab hold of it, somehow. The camera is one way of doing that. This post is another.

Yeah, so that’s all. That’s just what I’ve figured out while taking the last hundred pictures or so. (Ridiculous. Just ridiculous.)

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25.

Without further ado, here is my list of 25 things I would like to accomplish in my  25th year of life.

1. play guitar every day (more or less…don’t plan on packing it wherever I go)
2. get a tattoo
3. write one short story every other month [short-shorts (3-5 pgs) are allowed…I’m pretty excited/scared about this one]
4. cook at least 2 new recipes per week
5. read Bible every day [already failed. of course. :)]
6. have people over for lunch every Sunday that I don’t sing
7. take a vacation (we haven’t had one since we got married)
8. write one song for church, and one just-cuz song per month
9. learn how to sew
10. re-invent one item of clothing per month (contingent upon number 9 being accomplished)
11. go to the library at LEAST every other week (I’m a fast reader, so I need to keep myself well stocked with material)
12. record album of songs I write for my job at church, EP of others (bout darn time.)
13. tithe from every paycheck (we forget about half the time…just bein’ real.)
14. create a working budget (I’m halfway there…I’ve been tracking our spending for two months now)
15. walk three times a week/start working out when I’m able
16. have a friend over for coffee [or other weather/time-appropriate beverages(e.g. lemonade, or wine :)] at least once a week
17. read four child-rearing books [need to get my strategy on…Eliza may be easy going but she is also strong-willed (it’s possible. I’m the same way)]
18. start making our laundry detergent
19. go to an apple orchard
20. make one fancy dessert per month
21. go on a picnic
22. play three shows (not very many, I know…but like three times how many I’ve played in the last year)
23. make and fly a kite (I never have. Can you believe it?!)
24. adopt a pet (this one may not happen, as it greatly affects Matthew and Eliza, and not just me)
25. host members of each of our families once a month (ish)

So, there they are. Yay! You’ll see/hear/read the fruits of my labors on this blog, as I intend to keep posting songs as I write them, and will begin posting my short stories as well. I warn you, they will certainly not be good, but the goal here is to get me writing!! Period. I’m sure I will post requests for sewing advice, as well as maybe inform you of my various cooking conquests, as well as continue writing the random whatever-I’m-thinking-about-at-the-moment posts which have served me well enough in the past.

So, welcome to the adventure. I’m already about two and a half months into my 25th year, but better late than later. Like they always say.

be here.

I thought I’d share the song I wrote for this past Sunday’s offertory, especially in light of the post I wrote a few weeks ago about being mad at God. I think it’s important to pair the rant with the prayer, and that’s kind of what I was trying to do with this song.

I don’t love how I sound on the recording, BUT! You’ll get the idea. 🙂

Be Here.

a lazy kind of morning.

I can’t seem to muster the will to get moving this morning. I woke up a little after seven to feed Eliza, and while I haven’t gone back to sleep, I haven’t really accomplished anything. And I’m perfectly happy with that. My morning has been lovely. Eliza went back to sleep and I crawled back in bed with a book and two of yesterday’s leftover cornmeal waffles and some coffee. Nothing better than breakfast and a book in bed.  I’ve spent the rest of the morning alternating between a book, soothing Eliza (who loves nothing better than to doze off, wake up, fight sleep, doze off, and repeat the cycle endlessly throughout the day), and reading the blogs of some dear friends.

I’ve been enjoying this season of rest. I’ve had jobs I’ve disliked for almost three years now, and the things I love have been let go due to the mental exhaustion of working a mind-numbing day job that lacks mental stimulation. I’m remembering how much I like to plan meals and cook, how nice it feels to stay on top of household tasks (although admittedly, that one is still hard for me), how much I looove to read, and how revitalizing it feels to write. I’m blessed with a (very) part-time job that I love and look forward to, that challenges me and helps me grow in my writing and musical capabilities. I guess you could call this post the flip side of the coin from the one i wrote two weeks ago. Those things are still true, but the funny thing about being human is that you can experience several states of mind almost simultaneously.

Today is a lazy, grateful, content kind of day. These kind of days don’t make hard days and those emotions any less legitimate, neither do hard days cheapen the joyful days. They ebb and flow together, and, well, that’s just the way it is.

So for now, I’m going to enjoy my lazy (in a good way) morning, and be productive this afternoon.

the not-so-short-anymore list.

1. Why is it that when you want to be the quietest, you end up making the most noise?

2. Note to self: adding the word “pants” to the end of a word does not a nickname make. Examples from yesterday: grouchypants, grumpypants, and my personal favorite: crazypants.

3. Somebody stole my easy-going baby and replaced her with a high-strung 11-week-old who fights sleep with every muscle in her body. I feel like I’m going to have to wear her for the rest of her babyhood to get a good nap in, and let me tell you. I’m not strong enough. Did I mention that two weeks ago, she weighed 13 lbs and 4 oz? Yeah.

4. I’m going to take a page from my friend Megan’s book, and make a list of 25 things I want to accomplish in my 25th year of life. More on that to come.

5. I don’t want Eliza to grow up. This is just a fact. BUUUUT I am so very excited for the day she is old enough for me to read to her. I have all these lists of stories and books filed away in my brain and I can’t wait to share them with her. I hope she enjoys a good story. I’m going to need to polish up on my funny voices to make sure she does.

6. In some ways, I am not a very good mother…or at least not a very on-top-of-it mother. I don’t cut Eliza’s fingernails as often as I should, and I don’t bathe her as often as some might think is necessary (but let’s face it–I don’t bathe as often as some might think necessary), and my outfit of choice for her is a diaper, sometimes accessorized with a headband just so folks know she’s a girl. But I take time every day to cuddle with her, and to chat with her and listen to what she has to say, even though it’s not much yet. I try to sing to her every day, and tell her I love her, and pray for her. What I want, what I really really want? (haha…sorry) is for her to have a tender heart towards God, and other people. I hope I can model that for her, and if she has dirt under her fingernails or goes around shirtless for much of the first year of her life? Well, I think I can handle that.